I received an email from a listener of the Free Spirits united podcast admiring the way I speak with confidence. [She also likes the sound of my voice (blushing), but that’s not the point of this post]. She asked me to list out steps she should take to develop self-confidence. Well, here it is. This is the last thing you will ever need to read on having self-confidence (What a confident statement to make!!!!).
In a nutshell, confidence is knowing and being comfortable in your capabilities. Furthermore, the only way for you to know your capabilities or be comfortable is by actually doing what you are trying to be confident in. If you haven’t done something, you will be uncomfortable doing it.
Everyone has self-confidence in something, you just don’t realize it. For example, I bet you are confident in your abilities to walk. You don’t know it because your mind naturally has the confidence in walking. But how did it develop this confidence? Because you walk a lot, so the mind knows it can do it. Get it? You weren’t born walking, but by crawling and then eventually walking, you naturally developed that confidence. This simplistic example can be applied to just about anything requiring self-confidence.
In college I danced, a lot. I enjoyed it, so I did it as much as I possibly could. I was part of a dance group that performed at shows. I was a confident dancer on stage because I practiced so much. I rehearsed to the point where my mind no longer questioned my dancing abilities. After practicing a dance routine so much, by the time I performed it during the show, I didn’t have to think hard about the dance steps, the dance steps were ingrained in my mind because I reached a heightened level of comfort.
And to prove this concept holds true to people at any stage in life, take my daughter as an example. My daughter plays soccer. The only way she is going to know in her abilities as a soccer player is for her to actually play soccer a lot. I tell her all of the time, “practice over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.” You get the point by now, right? Now at the age 8, the girl attacks the ball as a defensive player. If a ball goes into her area, she aggressively goes to get it out. She wasn’t like that when she first played, but now she is.
But things can negatively impact our self-confidence. One major impact is other people’s opinions and perspectives of you. We tend to fear embarrassing moments or making mistakes because we care too much how other people perceive us – because it will make us feel uncomfortable. If you allow other people’s perception of you to shape and guide your life, then you are not living an authentic life that is true to your core. To live an authentic life, you have to know yourself and be comfortable with your design and uniqueness. When you are comfortable with being who you are, other people’s perceptions and opinions won’t matter as much as your own opinions.
The other major, negative impact to our self-confidence is having high expectations that eventually leaves you disappointed. It’s fascinating how a bad experience can impact us deeply. This is why it’s so important to have a heightened sense of awareness to our attachments, especially our attachment to expectations. Having expectations means knowing what is going to happen in the future. That’s dangerous to our awareness because you DON’T know what is going to happen in the future, so there is NO point in having a strong attachment to anything that is not in the present moment. Our attachments shape our realities, so no point in shaping your current reality to something that may or may not happen, that would, without a doubt, lead to disappointment.
Well there you have it, my friends. I hope you are now consciously aware of what self-confidence is and how to develop it.
Below is a summary of the post:
1. Self-confidence is knowing without a doubt in your capabilities and being comfortable with it.
2. The only way to know or get comfort is by actually doing it until the mind adjusts to it.
3. Life is about progression, so you won’t be good at something from the beginning. It requires you to consistently do something until you know that you capable of doing it.
4. Don’t allow expectations to impact your self-confidence. Expectations are not based on current realities.
5. Don’t allow other people’s opinions and perspectives to impact your self-confidence. The best way to overcome the opinions of others is by knowing yourself.
That was fun to write. Send me an email at email@example.com
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